Day 29

Day 29: Mar 27, 2012.

I have started reading a book I've been wanting so desperately to read for two years now, 'Tis, by Frank McCourt. It promises to be as wonderful as it's prequel, I can never tire of the caustic humor with which he talks about heartbreaking loneliness and poverty. Love it.

I bought a new swimsuit, will try it later in the afternoon.

Just got news about Mamata Di's decision to ban newspapers in libraries. Oh Didi. You leave me so speechless.

I'm a little behind on Bollywood gossip. Shall do some reading today.

A friend asked me a couple of days ago how long I plan on continuing with the blog. She asked, very pertininently so, how long I wanted the break-up to define my life. These are her words: 

"I just had a vision of something...you typing a blogpost a few years down the line...starting with Day 3255...you'll be completely over this by then...but maybe you should already start stopping letting a breakup define your life? That was awkwardly constructed and probably gratuitous."

Well, I have been giving this considerable thought. I'm not ready to quit writing yet, I had set up a fifty day deadline. I am, however, getting closer and closer to healing from the heartbreak and letting this go.

I have bad days every now and then, the ex and I talk sometimes, and all the feelings come flooding back, with it the subsequent hurt and betrayal. We often find ourselves feeling the same way for each other as we used to, but then his being with someone else, even if with little emotional connect, and me being hurt, just leaves us lost all over again. 

Progressively, though, the insensity of the feelings is waning, both of the love and the hurt. I am slowly internalizing the fact that even if he wants to start over, it won't be possible, because I choose so. These are hard facts to come to terms with.

I usually try to keep the blog honest but superficial, this is perhaps the first time I've really written about where I stand, post-break up.

The above are post-its I discovered above the couch, KK wrote to herself to make sure she doesn't snooze her floor alarm and go back to sleep.

Love,

SV.