Day 42: Apr 9, 2012.
S is excited about meeting some girl who looks cute in her profile picture.
The picture is one where she clicks herself while seated in an airplane.
Now that's sad. Granted she looks nice, and granted I'm probably being overly critical out of fondness for S, but seriously? If you're sitting in an airplane and feel compelled to take a picture of yourself, that's probably a glaring sign of intellectual detriment.
Which is why I told him I felt sorry for him, and for all the men out there who have to dig through the mud of awfully dull women to find their diamonds.
I envisaged the possibility of having an island of exclusively witty men and women, just so we'd have the basics covered: articulate, funny, clever, quick with the humor and anecdotes, that sort of thing. Thereon, having found ourselves on that island, we could go looking for the best suited. At least there'd be no dispensable trash.
I gave it further thought. No, not withstanding the practical difficulties of such a situation, that would not quite be possible. Most guys I know, even the really clever ones, would get intimidated and take the next ferry out.
Worse still, the women would gnaw each other's eyes out. See, to be witty, among women, is a rarity. It's sacred. It's unusual, and witty women are very well aware of the fact. They know and appreciate that there are so few of them out there, and that most men, poor souls, will have to settle for less. This knowledge is very powerful indeed. Most witty women don't know very many other witty women. They have established territory within the confines of which they are the only estrogen laden laugh precipitators. So to be dumped on an island and find yourself only a face, and perhaps not even an attractive one, among a sea of others just as equipped to bring on the laughs, is scary. It is a dangerous, dangerous situation, and it would not end well.
Therefore, dear S, there will no island. You shall have to learn the hard way, that women who take pictures of themselves on airplanes are not your type.
Just a few tips for the future, here are a few giveaway signs of women who are not your type:
She:
S is excited about meeting some girl who looks cute in her profile picture.
The picture is one where she clicks herself while seated in an airplane.
Now that's sad. Granted she looks nice, and granted I'm probably being overly critical out of fondness for S, but seriously? If you're sitting in an airplane and feel compelled to take a picture of yourself, that's probably a glaring sign of intellectual detriment.
Which is why I told him I felt sorry for him, and for all the men out there who have to dig through the mud of awfully dull women to find their diamonds.
I envisaged the possibility of having an island of exclusively witty men and women, just so we'd have the basics covered: articulate, funny, clever, quick with the humor and anecdotes, that sort of thing. Thereon, having found ourselves on that island, we could go looking for the best suited. At least there'd be no dispensable trash.
I gave it further thought. No, not withstanding the practical difficulties of such a situation, that would not quite be possible. Most guys I know, even the really clever ones, would get intimidated and take the next ferry out.
Worse still, the women would gnaw each other's eyes out. See, to be witty, among women, is a rarity. It's sacred. It's unusual, and witty women are very well aware of the fact. They know and appreciate that there are so few of them out there, and that most men, poor souls, will have to settle for less. This knowledge is very powerful indeed. Most witty women don't know very many other witty women. They have established territory within the confines of which they are the only estrogen laden laugh precipitators. So to be dumped on an island and find yourself only a face, and perhaps not even an attractive one, among a sea of others just as equipped to bring on the laughs, is scary. It is a dangerous, dangerous situation, and it would not end well.
Therefore, dear S, there will no island. You shall have to learn the hard way, that women who take pictures of themselves on airplanes are not your type.
Just a few tips for the future, here are a few giveaway signs of women who are not your type:
She:
- believes that Al Qaeda is a band. (If you don't think that can happen, ask TM).
- has facebook statuses which contain more than a sensible number of exclamation -marks/emoticons/periods/other giveaway signs of mental impediment.
- says cum when she really means come.
- can't make eye-contact during conversation because she's too busy looking around to see who's looking at her.
- knows Harry Potter only from the eight movies.
- takes pictures of herself in public.
- believes in astrology.
- believes in Chris Angel.
- Lives in South Delhi (negotiable, but the odds are against her).
So many more, but this is a good starting point, I should think.
Unwittingly arrogant,
Unwittingly arrogant,
SV.
The whole time I was reading the post, I was thinking there's no way that island would work, they would rip each other apart, and then you wrote it anyway.
ReplyDeleteWhat you need is a website, like facebook, where you can find these witty guys/girls, because to get an account you need to pass a wittiness test.
It's Criss Angel btw. You need to STOP being so "witty" and start watching a few bad reality TV shows!
ReplyDeleteWhoever suggested I was being witty?
ReplyDeleteI wanna hear the story of Al Qaeda being a band. I don't know how thats even possible.
ReplyDeleteIt would be an island of Jewish mothers and Indian grandmothers.
ReplyDeleteReally enjoy reading your blogs..
-Long time blog stalker, first time commenter.
For some reason I like the imagery of intellectual detritus better than intellectual detriment!
ReplyDeleteIS there a reason why you're anonymous? Because I'm supremely intrigued, I've asked around and no one I know claims to be you. Nor is your style of writing one I recognize.
ReplyDeleteLet's just say something about "Poirot is dicretion itself" rather appeals to me. Why would I want to stop being intriguing anyway? ;)
ReplyDeleteBecause one starts assuming that under the gradual stripping of the onion lies only onion. That scourge of intrigue.
ReplyDeleteOnly onion?
ReplyDeleteWe beg to disagree.
Sincerely,
Janata Party(1980), BJP(1998), UPA II
But more seriously, surely one is aware of the impact of one's online footprint.
Peace. We all have our limitations, you with your two wives and five children, and me with my incorrigible spelling. Keep reading.
Delete" If you're sitting in an airplane and feel compelled to take a picture of yourself, that's probably a glaring sign of intellectual detriment."
ReplyDeleteThis line cracked me up!!